who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
