What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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