Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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