my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
