so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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