I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
