I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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