I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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