"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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