Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
