I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
