Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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