can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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