I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
