told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
