she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
