what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
