Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
