the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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