whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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