cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize