it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
