I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
