Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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