how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
