whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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