You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
