there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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