I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fuck appropriateness.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
