She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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