i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
