Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
