I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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