Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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