i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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