Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
