he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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