I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
