Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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