At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
as a side note pls kill me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
