I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
