its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
