Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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