We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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