Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize