did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
