No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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