All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
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I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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