why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
