Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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