Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My bed smells like the plague
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
