did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
