his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
