i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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