I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
